Family Guy: The Return of Penelope
by Crimson Thor
Summary: Stewie Griffin now runs the world with a powerful associate to quell resistance. His peaceful but boring life is interrupted by the murder of his secretary. This marks the return of one of his most deadly adversaries and most passionate lovers. This marks the return of Penelope. There will only be a few appearances and mentions or American Dad! characters.


Family Guy

The Return of Penelope

Chapter 1

Stewie Runs the World

The nightmare began with a piece of candy.

Stewart Gilligan Griffin sat at his chair with an expression of utmost boredom. He had been ruling the known world for a whole week and he had run out of things to do. He had already had Justin Bieber assassinated, nuked Miley Cyrus from orbit and had all the Twilight movies recalled and burned. What more was there to do? He pressed a red button on his desk.

"Loraine, please send in Brian Griffin," he requested.

Less than two minutes later, the white dog walked in. Brian hadn't aged a day since Stewie last saw him mainly due to the supply of age-defying tablets Stewie had been sending him. The same tablets he had been using to keep himself one year old for ten years. Of course, he had outgrown that part of his life and was now comfortable with being a healthy twenty-five year old.

"Well, Stewie, you finally made it," Brian commended. "You finally took over the world."

"That's right Brian," the young adult boasted. "You all doubted me, but I made it Brian. I am God!"

"Not yet," Brian added.

Stewie furrowed his brow. Brian was right. At the moment, he was little more than a glorified king. His _associate _could do things he couldn't. Crush any uprising and force any rebellious soul into submission but he himself was nothing. What more did he need?

"Big deal," he said. "You want a soda?"

"I… I guess."

"Okay." Stewie pressed the button. "Loraine. Brian wants a soda." He looked back to Brian. "I can do that now. I can just call for Loraine to bring me anything. She's like my… my… it's on the tip of my tongue. It rhymes with itch."

A tall black woman entered and handed the dog a can of grape soda.

"Hey! Hey Loraine!" Stewie called.

Loraine looked up to him. "Yes sir?" she answered.

"You're my witch!" he yelled at her.

Loraine was confused. "Um… thank you sir," she said confused. She turned and left with the same odd look.

Stewie said, "That doesn't sound quite right. You know what, it'll come to me."

Brian opened the soda and took a look around. Stewie's office was about as big as the Oval Office. It featured the standard rug on the floor and palm trees by the door. The difference was that the rug sported Stewie's grinning face and instead of a window, his desk was in front of a barrage of monitors, each showing a different state of the world. It really was impressive.

"How are Lois and the fat man?" he asked.

Brian was surprised at first by the sudden question but quickly regained his composure. "Lois is doing great; she had that time bomb surgically removed so she's still alive. Peter… uh… Peter got himself killed."

Stewie gasped. "Oh no." His concern sounded very dry, however, but matched the passive look on his face.

Brian nodded. "Yeah. Three times. He managed to come back by telling Death that he'll let him give back Meg."

Now Stewie was confused. "Don't you mean keep Meg?" he asked.

"No." Brian said blatantly.

Stewie nodded then swivelled his chair around to the screens. He rocked for a while then spoke up. "Well Brian, it's been nice seeing you again but I have some brooding to do."

"Wait," the dog requested. "Can I ask you a question?"

Stewie turned his head over the chair. "No, I will not rub your tummy."

Brian glared at him. "Can I ask another question? Why didn't you kill Lois?"

"What do you mean? That wretched woman has eluded my foolish attempts for decades. It would be a waste of time to try," he answered.

"You're lying," Brian told him. "I saw you all those years ago. Before you left home, you had her at gun point. She was asleep, you could have done it but you left. You ran Stewie, why?"

Stewie turned the chair. His face was deadly serious now. His fingers intertwined themselves and he rested his head on them. "Do you want the truth or do you want the Stewie version?"

Brian finished the soda. "The truth. The real truth."

Stewie sigh and turned his head down. "Fine," he conceded. "I failed to kill Lois because—"

Loraine burst through the doors of Stewie's office. She seemed to be in pain. She handed Brian a note before falling on the floor gagging and clawing at her throat. Stewie looked up and watched as her eyes rolled over and foam leaked from her mouth.

Brian read the note: "Hi Stewie. I've missed you. I promised to see you again and I will. In three days."

Stewie listened to the note with an expressionless face. Who was it that would miss the likes of him? Was it Lois? No, she could come at any time, why wait three days? Was it Olivia? That didn't make any sense, he sent her to hell in a cardboard house. What about Rupert? He and his _friend _hadn't gotten along since Michelle in the eleventh grade. Nah, Rupert couldn't write. And who would kill someone just to deliver a letter. They could always send email.

Brian opened Loraine's mouth and looked inside. He reached in and tried to pull out was lodged in her throat but to no avail. He took out his hand and smelled it.

"Taffy," he recognized. "Oh no. Stewie. I think… I think Penelope did this."

"Bitch!" Stewie exclaimed. "That's the word. Loraine's my bitch. Loraine your my— oh no, she's dead."


End file.
